My Brother

As I am preparing for a weekend as Emma with my wife, I cast my mind back to this very day 28 years ago, Saturday the 13th June 1981 when I had the unpleasant task of signing the authorisation papers to switch my brother’s life support machine off.

You see it all the time on hospital drama’s like Holby City etc but I have never really seen the recreation of the sort of emotions you feel in reality when presented with such a task.

My brother was 19 years old and I was 23, my father was with me but couldn’t sign the papers, my mum deliberately had stayed away from Bangor hospital preferring to remember my brother how he was.

For those of you old enough, it was the Saturday that a nutter fired a starting gun at the Queen as she was trooping the colours.

He was at the end of his first year at Bangor studying Plant Genetics and was only still there because he was to attend one final field trip the following week. In the meantime I was studying for my degree finals which were to start two weeks later.

It seems that Friday lunchtime, he was cycling with his mate to the pub for a drink and a game of darts (he had been practising so that he could beat me when he came home for the summer – my brother was very competitive and could never accept losing!) when they were free wheeling down a steep hill in Tregarth (where my brother had his digs), it seems they touched handlebars near the bottom of the hill and my brother hit a wall and then went head first into a disused railway bridge stone abutment. His friend ended up with a broken wrist and collar bone whilst my brother crushed the top of his head in (it was before the days that cycle helmets were worn)

Within 20 minutes he was at Bangor and operated on however the damage had been done. I remember speaking to the surgeon who operated to try and save his life and he explained that in 30 years, he had never seen such a serious head injury. We were informed that he was clinically dead within seconds of hitting the stone wall.

Anyway, time moves on and I refuse to dwell on what has happened, although not a week goes by without me thinking “There but for the grace of God go I” there are a lot of people out there far worse off than I and so tonight I will quietly remember a younger brother who I never got to know properly, for an uncle my daughters never had, for never having nephews and nieces to buy Christmas presents for, for a life extinguished before it had time to flourish.

You have to live life today because who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Good Night God Bless Stuart.

Mum's birthday

Whilst pounding the rubber at the gym earlier this evening, I had time to reflect on today which would have been my mum's 76th birthday had she been still with us.

All through my life, my mum was there for me even more so after my younger brother's untimely death. She always said that it should have been me and not my brother.

That comment might seem a little harsh but what she meant was that it was me who took all the risks - swimming in disused quarries, climbing trees, swinging on home made rope swings across rivers, disappearing to the coast (Southport) for the day on my bike at the age of 11 etc. My brother in the meanwhile would sit in and read or watch television.

I was the one who played sport, rugby, squash, fencing (epee, foil and sabre) my brother played snooker, tennis (I never did get a chance to beat him) although I was better at squash and always beat him at darts.

Unfortunately on his last day of his first year at Bangor University, two weeks before my finals, he was involved in a bicycle accident which resulted in his death.

My mum never had any worries about my brother, it was always me!

Losing my dad 10 years ago, was the beginning of the end for my mum and I think that when she died almost 4 years ago now, it was really due to her deciding to die. She was worn out and despite my best endeavours and her grandchildren, felt that enough was enough.

I still miss her. She was always there to tell me what I should do - usually after I had done the opposite! She was a very strong willed woman and there were not many people I remember who ever crossed her!

I often wonder whether she suspected anything of my dressing which I started at the tender age of 13. After all, I was wearing her clothes and shoes until my feet outgrew the size 5s my mum wore. I think mum's always know.

I can remember a few close calls when my parents returned unexpectedly and I had to pretend that I was taking a shower (with all the doors locked!) and I didn't hear them!

Anyway, I for one will drink a toast tonight to both my parents for teaching me what is right and to be the person I am today and to wish my mum a happy birthday wherever she is.

Thank you mum and dad.

Bits and Pieces

Ever run a B&B? Well, with all three daughters boyfriends staying over and my father in law, we ended up providing shelter and catering for 9 of us last week!

Difficult to sort out anything to do with Emma, with the house fully populated. Television fully used by 4 person Xbox games of Halo, and some racing game.

Over the weekend I moved my storage from Northampton to local in the process increasing the size of storage unit by 30% for an increase in cost of less than £10. We took our youngest with us to do some of the lifting although I had to invent some reason as to why I went into my unit alone before loading the van. – a dozen pairs of heels and a rack of Emma’s clothes was the problem!
After loading the van we stopped at the Red Hot Chilli Shack and during the meal my daughter made us laugh.

She asked me what were the orange slices on my sweet plate. I said cantelope to which she replied that she thought that was a type of deer! This was after stacking her plate with what she though were onion rings only to find out that it was battered squid!

Never the less, we successfully transferred the contents of my storage unit to one only 3 miles from home. My wife has suggested that I keep Emma’s clothes etc in the garage rather than in the storage container which allows me a lot more flexibility especially when trying to put outfits together.

Well, tomorrow is D day – I finally am having the 2nd interview for a job I was first interviewed for way back on the 1st April. Crossed fingers I get this. It’s me against one other. May the best man win so long as it’s me!

My wife and I are looking forward to the weekend meal with Manchester Concord and a bunch of our friends together with some girls and partners my wife has not yet met. Not decided on what I will be wearing yet, I suppose a lot depends on what the weather is going to be over the weekend. We have just put another order in with Roman Originals which may be with us before the weekend.

Not sure whether it’s good form to wear the same dress in the same company more than once! But I guess, when you are only part time then some compromise is necessary and allowed.

Just got rid of my painted toenails after several weeks of wearing various shades. It certainly makes you think twice before taking shoes and socks off! Will re do them before the weekend in Revlon Red. We had some friends over to watch the Lion’s game followed by the England Argentina game on Saturday, and it was pretty surreal sitting watching noting that my friend’s wives were all sporting painted toenails like me!

Finally got back to the gym for the 1st time in two months to start working off the weight I have gained since losing my job. I started with a gentle 30 minutes on the jogging machine at 7km/hr and 15% gradient, burning 620 calories and walking 3.5km. Will be going again later tonight and then early to bed ready for my interview in Birmingham tomorrow.

I booked the Saturday night meal at Sparkle for our group at Shang Hi; 14 on Saturday to join with 12 of us on the Friday at Villagio’s. Not sure where we will be eating or with whom on the Sunday of Sparkle, but the Indian has been suggested by the Sparkle organisers.

I have spent the last few days jet washing my patio (three days of fun!) and have had installed floodlights over the BBQ and the patio together with a double gang external socket which should now allow us, weather permitting!, to extend any BBQs into the evening. Can’t wait to try it out. Shame we can’t have a girls night here where I live but unfortunately this will only ever be wishful thinking.

Yesterday, I took one of my daughters and her boyfriend back to London to clear out her digs and bring it all back to the house, leaving her at her boyfriends for the moment. My eldest, has just returned after her first afternoon shift at the local pub, so it looks like she will be staying with us for the summer now she has got a job locally!!

Speaking of girls, who is it that said that girls are tidier than boys! In my opinion (based only on 3 daughters) they are by far worse. My daughter’s room in London was a tip! We had to fight our way in to pack up the rest of her things! Today the youngest has spent all day cleaning her bedroom up and the eldest, who’s bed we have just replaced, managed to bring down over a dozen glasses and cups when she cleaned her room prior to installing the new bed! And she’s only been back home 2 weeks!

Anyhow, I’ll get off my soapbox now and get changed for the gym. Till the weekend everybody.

Sunny weekend in Manchester

Some 7 weeks after my wife was told about Emma, she met the rest of my friends and partners in Manchester.

Packing for the weekend proved to be somewhat more fraught than usual due to the fact that not only was our eldest daughter at home, accompanied by her boyfriend, our youngest was home with her boyfriend and to top it off my father in law was also staying whilst he painted the front of the house.

Painting my toe nails a bright red on the Saturday morning proved interesting as was packing a case as I still had not decided what dress to wear that evening and whether to wear jeans or a skirt out in the early afternoon. Obviously I therefore had to take 6 pairs of shoes with me – just in case! My wife, on the other hand was more organised and was able to squeeze her clothes into the remaining space in our suitcase and in the shoulder bag.

Driving up to Manchester on the Saturday lunchtime, my wife expressed her concern in meeting everyone for the first time (although she had met up with Kate and Tina in Bob mode already together with their wives)

This time we were staying at the Days Inn Hotel just outside the village on Sackville Street and were pleased to find our room was ready this time when we arrived.

Thankfully, the double room we had booked was considerably bigger than the single that I had stayed in before Christmas for the Northern Angels Xmas meal, though a lot less spacious than the Atrium apartments which would have been our first choice had there been any vacancies.

Getting ready I chose to wear my jeans and an orange top with my new wedge sandals whilst my wife plumped for a similar outfit. My make up seemed to take less time than ever and we were soon ready to leave and meet up with Kate, Karen, Mandy and Dianne at Taurus.

Taking the lift down to the foyer accompanied by my wife was a really great feeling and strolling out through a busy reception without any fuss, set up the day.

Outside, the streets were very busy in the warm sunshine and as we made our way up Sackville Street to the canal, we were just two women in the throngs.- (No I said throngs!!!) Outside all the bars, there were large numbers of people drinking and taking in the sunshine, certainly no place to have any doubts about yourself. My wife was a lot more comfortable this time as we wove our way through the crowds on Canal Street than the previous first time out.

At Taurus, we met up with my friends, Kate, Dianne and Karen having been shopping and Mandy like ourselves, just joined. Happy hour encouraged us to have another bottle of the excellent house wine – a Pinot Grigio whilst catching up on gossip.

As the girls drifted away, we all arranged to meet up at View for pre dinner drinks and so we returned to the hotel to get changed.

The moment of truth, what dress? Well unfortunately the purple dress proved to be too difficult to get on due to the side zip and so I resorted to my new LBD combined with fishnet tights with a rose pattern superimposed on them and peepholed silver shoes with a black lace overlay. The dress finished 4” above the knee and was very stretchy and fitted really good over my corset. I changed my make up for more of an evening look and accompanied by my wife looking resplendid in her red and white spotted dress we rode the lift down to reception and made our way out onto the streets.

I felt a million dollars as I strolled alongside my wife up to Canal Street. On the way, a young Asian bloke hung out of the back of a car and just as it was pulling away shouted out “asking if I was a bloke or a woman!” – I shouted back “asking him if he was black or white!” Making our way through the crowds of people milling around, I felt really relaxed apart from having to continually pull down my dress as it headed North with little encouragement! There were a couple of hen parties out and about and some large groups both blokes and mixed together with a few other “girls” as we made our way to View.

At View we met up with the rest of the gang including Lisa and after a quick drink, trooped out and down the street to Villagio’s where we enjoyed a lovely meal. Initially the place was quite empty but by the time we were paying the bill, it was full.

After the meal we went to Via for a drink or two but for me it was too loud to be sociable and initially very busy, until towards midnight it thinned out a touch. We then moved onto Napoleon’s where we re joined the rest of our group for a drink and some dancing. By 2am, we were showing signs of wear and tear and so Kate, Mrs. Kate, Mandy, my wife and I bade the others good night and walked back in the cool night air to our hotel.

The next morning, we had decided to meet up for breakfast at Velvet and so got ready for a Sunday morning. This time I chose to wear a long flowing skirt from M&S with a favourite crochet style cream top over a chocolate brown camisole, and white peep toe shoes. My wife stayed with leggings an a red top and her wedge sandals.

Having got to reception, we waited for Kate and Mrs Kate to join us and then strolled together back up to Canal Street in the morning sunshine. The feeling being out in the sunshine dressed and in wonderful company is difficult to explain but it is something that will remain with me for as long as I live and an experience I will be able to draw down on when times may be somewhat more sombre or in deepest winter.

Sitting outside enjoying smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, outside in the sunshine adjacent to the canal locks was again an experience not to be forgotten and one I hope to enjoy many more times to come. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end and after finishing our breakfast, we sadly had to leave Kate and Mrs Kate and walk back to the hotel to get changed and check out.

It’s Monday – it must be Teela’s

Being a “man of leisure”, I thought I would be able to drive up to my hotel arriving at 3pm to get changed and over to Teela’s to help her get ready for the night.

Wrong, I had forgotten that my daughter was home on exam leave and I therefore had to wait until 1pm before organising my case etc. I then shot into town to pick up a couple of pies and a new razer and make up wipes before finally getting onto the road and following an artic for 11 miles on a long windy country road heading for the M1

Despite the initial delays, I still managed to check in for 3-45pm and quickly decided on what to wear. I had recently taken delivery of a new full length overbust corset from Vollers and it was into this I endeavored to secure myself. Once I had reached a point at which I couldn’t tighten the laces anymore, I tied them off and then struggled to bend over to pull on my knickers and tights! – memo to self, put underwear on before corset!

I decided to go with my new denim pencil skirt and top from M&S. After shoehorning myself into the skirt, fastening the button and pulling the zip up, whilst lying on my back, breathing in, (despite the corset!) I was then faced with having to move the skirt round through 180 degrees to position the zip at the back.

At least the top was a looser fit and went well with the skirt. To complement the red top, I chose my red heels and finished off with my blue casual jacket.

Make up complete, I walked out of my room past reception which had a number of guests booking in and out to my car. The tightness of the skirt caressed my legs at each step and was quite sensuous.

On trying to get into the driver’s seat in a ladylike manner, I failed miserably due to the combination of a tight full length corset and the skirt, luckily there was only an Asian lady within watching distance of my manoeuvring and a businessman on his mobile. Having finally inserted myself into the car, I carefully drove off and arrived at Teela’s for 6-30pm – so much for getting there early to help!

Getting out of the car was almost mission impossible but I managed it, I think everything had loosened up a little an I carefully walked over to the entrance.

As well as the more usual visitors, we had two new girls out for the first time and Suzanne managed to be there again.

Dressed as I was, I was careful not to end up sitting on one of the low slung sofas and restricted myself to a standard sit up and beg chair.

Tina, Justine, Mandy, Dianne were there and Kate joined us a little later and finally Lisa in bob mode dropped in after work at the back end of the evening.

After 3 cups of tea and an earlier coffee at the hotel, I finally had to address the tricky problem of going to the toilet. Ten minutes later, I re-joined the girls somewhat more comfortable and certainly more wiser regarding choice of clothing!

Once more as the evening came to an end , time to wish Kate a Happy Birthday for this coming weekend (unfortunately I can't join the girls as I am already out with my wife that Saturday) and to make arrangements to meet up with Karen on the following Saturday in Manchester.

Dianne has tentatively made arrangements with Teela to run a minibus down to Pink Punters in September, somewhere my wife and I can join them as we live within 70 miles.

Once more back to the hotel and as I only needed to be back home for an 11 40am appointment at the Job Centre, I made use of the time and put on a mini fashion show taking numerous piccies in the process.

Getting up early the following morning I dressed in a business suit and walked out of the hotel to the shop next door to pick up a newspaper and sandwich. Going through reception, at 6-30am, I was surprised to see a young lady behind the desk chatting to a young lad who wished me good day to which I mumbled a hasty reply. On re entering reception, the lad told me to smile and I grinned back asking him what he wanted from me at 6-30am! I am sure they must have had a chuckle after I left them.
Anyway, after changing back and a hot shower, packed etc I was on the road by 9am joining the thongs - oops throngs! on the M6 heading South.

Villagio's on a Wednesday

Once more heading up the motorway with my wife’s blessing for our monthly Wednesday meal out in the village and now officially unemployed.

Having spent the earlier part of the day working out what I was going to wear and packing accordingly, it was a streamlined Emma heading to Manchester – one suitcase and a shoulder bag as opposed to 2-3 cases, a box and two bags which I used to take.

Tina was wanting me to go out in my glittery short dress but I had already chosen to wear my new mid blue dress from BHS together with my peep toes Kurt Geiger pumps and my new white and pale blue pin striped jacket from M&S and new evening bag from Fiorelli to complete the ensemble.

I was dressed and ready by the time Mandy turned up followed by Tina who were both making use of my room in the Travelodge at Lymm. This time Mandy checked in her car to avoid the excess parking charge of £60 she incurred the last time she left her car outside.

Once Mandy was ready we spent the next 2 hours watching Tina finish her preparations! Well, not quite 2 hours!

Once ready, off we went leaving the room en masse dressed for the ball with Tina only just wearing a dress! I am not saying it was short but!
I drove into Manchester with Mandy whilst Tina went separately as she would be going straight home afterwards whilst Mandy had to go back to my room to change.

We parked at the top of Canal street once more and paid the £3.50 for after 6pm. We had tried for on the street parking but once more it seemed pretty busy with no spaces available.

Walking down to Tribeca we met up inside with Tina and had scarcely sat down with our drinks when Emma joined us wearing what could loosely be described as a denim belt, and what nice legs she has too!

The final girls of the group joined us; Kate resplendid as usual this time in her black pvc look leggings with a short dress / top and new girl Marlene.

Once assembled, we then made our way up Canal Street to Villagio’s where outside the entrance, Emma became the subject of some unwanted attention from a short scruffy murmuring individual who made a beeline for her. Kate and I intercepted him, myself preparing for the worst, but it was a non event and we all gained entrance up the steps into Villagio’s without any drama.

The meal was lovely and the service second to none albeit the place was very quiet. During the meal Tina’s Nicky joined us and I didn’t get a word in edgeways thereafter!! – no joking really, Nicky as usual was bubbling over and a great addition to the party. What was good about the reduced numbers was the ability to have a chat with everyone rather than separate groups.

Having completed the obligatory touch up in the ladies, we all made our way up to Manchester Concord at the Rembrandt for an hour before carrying on to Napoleons.

The place was full of the usual suspects and we all “enjoyed” a dance or two upstairs although once again I was hard pressed to recognise any of the songs played in the early part of the evening (midnight – 2am)

Retiring downstairs, we finished the evening having a “quiet” chat and taking a few piccies although once again Emma attracted unwanted attention.

Leaving Napoleon’s I made a big mistake, I chose not to make use of the toilets and so arriving back at the car was faced with an unfortunate dilemma – what to do now that my bladder was letting me know it was there!

What can a girl do but – well I’ll leave it to your imagination, suffice to say it’s not something I would recommend at 2 in the morning. All through this Mandy nonchalantly sat locked in the car looking straight ahead!

Regaining the car, a guy who had been in the vicinity of the car park came over and I carefully opened the window a few inches to answer his question as to where there was a party! On his way, I explained to Mandy that all I was thinking of was how much I could hurt him if he tried to reach into the car!

Back at the room, Mandy got changed and went on her way. I decided to stay in mood, removed my make up and undressed and climbed into bed in my nighty for a few hours sleep.

Waking up under no pressure as to timing, I had a leisurely bath and fresh shave, got dressed again this time to go shopping for the day. Make up was understated. I carefully packed my case and left Bob’s clothes and wipes etc in my shoulder bag for easy retrieval later in the day at Teela’s.

I wore my new full grey denim skirt, red top and red shoes with glossy tan tights and my white jacket and black bag – see picture.

At 9, I well and truly checked out as Emma as I handed my room key directly to one of the girls at reception. I guess that there are no doubts now as to what I do when staying at Lymm!

First stop was M&S at Gemini park Warrington where I picked up a tight stretchy denim pencil skirt (tight is not the word! see later post) and after a coffee realised that my current lipstick was not really right and so nipped into Boots where I picked up a new lipstick from Revlon, a replacement translucent powder from Max Factor and a small hair brush for my handbag. Changing my lipstick in the car I then drove over to Cheshire Oaks.

I spent the next 5 hours exploring the shops at the Oaks and treated myself to a new short skirt and pink top from M&S, and some black strappy wedges from Next – a bargain at £10.

For lunch, I ate at the brasserie and had the lamb shank followed by treacle tart. The food and service was excellent though not cheap and I was treated as usual with respect and courtesy from the staff.

One embarrassing moment came whilst visiting the ladies in the food hall. I carried out my business and on leaving the cubicle to wash my hands felt the back of my leg was wet. Looking down in horror I noticed that I had managed to catch part of my skirt when I flushed the toilet and so surreptitiously I rung the wet part of my skirt out and then continued to the washbasins.

At 3pm, I made my way to Teela’s who had just finished one of her photo sessions with a client and after a chat over coffee, got changed back into Bob.

Back on the road for 5pm, I made the 93 miles home for 6-30pm despite the traffic.

What no chicken!

On the way home from an extraordinary weekend with my wife, we decided that as time was getting on that we would forgo cooking anything when we got home but would treat ourselves to a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket as our youngest was at home waiting for us.

Arriving back in town we went straight to the KFC and joined a small queue. After 20 minutes we got to the front and put our order in.

"Sorry we don't have any chicken left"

I asked when would the next batch be ready

"Sorry we don't have any chicken left"

You mean you don't have any chicken cooked or uncooked at all!!!

"Well we can do you a few pieces of boneless and some wings"

Fraid not, thanks for telling us when we first arrived that you didn't have any chicken left and promptly stomped out.

Plan B - a pizza!

Reminds me of the Monty Pythan cheese shop sketch!

Emma xxx