Saturday 31 March 2012

Discovery at the Rugby Club

Where to start. Last October just before I left the UK to work in the Middle East, I received a telephone call from my best friend. Also a rugby player, asking if I would join him for a coffee in town. I was somewhat suspicious at the way the meeting was set up as we would usually just pop around to each other’s houses and in addition I had recently been in contact with his gay son who works and runs a series of clubs/bars in Leicester, one of which I had been to as Emma.

Nevertheless, I made the rendevouz and over the first cup of coffee, he told me about his wife being in hospital after collapsing at work. As the time passed we discussed many things and then we moved onto my imminent move to The Gulf and keeping in contact and whilst commenting about security of the internet, he came out with ‘I know’ – the hairs on the back of my neck rose as he elaborated. It seems that his son had rang him almost as soon as he knew of Emma and had told his dad. Well, I don’t remember much of the conversation whilst we sipped a second mug of coffee, suffice to say that he reaffirmed that he was still my best mate, my brother and what I did in my spare time was not a concern of his.

Moving on a few days and I have thrown a dinner party to celebrate my wife’s birthday inviting my closest friends and their wives and partners, including my best mate - my friends all being players in my team. As is the norm when we are entertaining I was in charge of the cooking and with drinks in hand, the guys joined me in the kitchen whist I was putting the finishing touches to the dinner and the girls congregated in the living room and dining room chatting, music in the background.

Whilst stirring the Somerset pork in cider, one of the guys said we know!. One at a time my friends reaffirmed their friendship though expressing no understanding why I did it. These were all big guys and fellow rugby players accepting the fact that I liked to wear womens clothes and go out dressed! I was dumbstruck, and still today none the wiser why my best mate saw fit to say anything to anyone else! When I broached the subject in a personal letter I wrote once back here in the Gulf after Christmas, he denied telling anyone but said they already knew!
Back to the party, the evening went very well and after asking the guys to not mention anything to my wife about their knowing which they all agreed to, I tried to settle down and enjoy the rest of the evening. I did not want my wife to know that our friends knew about Emma before I moved out to the Gulf as I felt it would be unfair and whilst we have, since my disclosure to her of Emma some three years ago, endeavoured to be open and honest to each other, I felt in addition to my departure, this would add an unnecessary burden to her.

Moving on, I shipped out to the Gulf a few weeks later and concentrated on settling down in a new country, a new job and dealing with fresh and new challenges as they presented themselves. No Emma out here, she was left 3,300 miles behind though not out of mind.

I had originally planned to come back for the first time at Easter but soon decided I wanted to be home with my family at Christmas and feeling like Father Christmas was able for the first time in many Christmas’s provide very well for my family.

Christmas Eve, my wife and I decided to eat in a local pub and whilst there, one of my good mates rang to suggest we meet in the local Wetherspoons later for a few drinks to celebrate my return so to speak. This we did and sat down amongst the revelry catching up with what had been happening in my absence. Then after a few more beers my mate came straight out in front of his partner and my wife warning me of my intending attendance at the Boxing Day charity game. They know! Since my departure, someone came across my flickr site and the word had spread like wildfire with everyone taking a good look at my photos of Emma. Everyone is waiting for me to turn up on Boxing Day he warned me. My wife was almost in tears at this point, bearing in mind the fragility of the position and suffice to say it put a bit of a dampner on the rest of the evening. My mate grabbed me in a friendly way and came out with ‘I’m a man’s man!’ my response was ‘So am I!’ it takes balls to go out wearing a dress!! I reiterated that in every situation we had been in trouble we stood back to back and fought as equals, why do you feel that anything has changed! I am exactly the same person that you have known these last 15 years, nothing will change, only your knowledge has coloured your opinion. He then went onto profess no understanding as to why I did what I did and I also told him I had no idea why I was who I was. In the meanwhile my mates partner was comforting my wife. The end of the night came and we made our way home in silence.

Christmas Day whilst being everything we expected with our daughters home and one fiancé and one boyfriend as well, my wife and I were somewhat subdued. In my mind, what was going to happen the next day was preying heavily on my mind. In my own mind, not turning up was never an option.

Boxing Day and the day of reckoning dawned. I bade my wife goodbye and with heavy heart made my way to the rugby club with my camera to take photos of the game being held in aid of a cancer charity in memory of a young player who had died at the age of 23 of cancer several years ago.

I mingled with my rugby club friends on the sidelines whilst taking photos. No comments! After the game, I went back into the Club house to face my fate. Smiling, head held high I firmly entered the lion’s den to face whatever!

With a drink in my hand, I mingled. My strategy was to show that I didn’t give a shit! Let someone start the ball rolling and they did. I approached a group of three of the older ex players I was friendly with and after exchanging small talk, one of the guys finally challenged me. To be honest it was less of a challenge more of a fact finding conversation. Both the others made the point that they didn’t see any problem with what I did and even the original guy who broached the subject and who is a pretty abrasive character agreed that he had no problems with what I did. After about 20 minutes, during which I was subject to typical banter arising from my disclosure, I continued to circulate and now the ice was broken player after player came up to me in ones and twos expressing surprise and support and confirming that they had been fascinated in looking at my photos on flickr. Not one derogatory or insulting comment was made.

Several hours later and quite a few beers down my neck I left the Club the same way I had entered, head held high and didn’t look back. Other than a furtive text to my wife telling her everything was ok, that was that, or was it?
One interesting fact that came out of my conversations was the fact that they were still unsure of my name but to access my flickr site they would have to have known my full name. There was and still is no location or other information on the site which would lead you to myself, yet this is what happened. No one who initially discovered Emma knew my name so how did the whole of the rugby club come to check out my flickr site.

Back in the Gulf, I was upset to find out how fragile and exposed my wife felt being left behind in the full knowledge that all our friends now knew about Emma. With some trepidation I wrote a deeply personal letter to my best mate seeking an understanding as my wife had felt ostracised since my return to the Gulf and even myself started feeling paranoid in that very few of my friends seemed to make any effort to keep in touch with me either on facebook or by e-mail or messaging. My mate explained that there were a few of my friends who were having difficulty in the knowledge that they now shared but that he was trying to educate them on my behalf and in my absence. Suffice to say we exchanged a number of deeply personal e-mails and resolved many issues in my mind. The balance will be dealt with over a few whiskies this Easter on my return to the UK.

Finally, I am joining my team on tour at the beginning of May. This should finally put paid to any doubters and offer the opportunity to those uncertain about myself to seek a better understanding.

If you have made it to the end, many thanks for your patience and I hope that you can see that we all usually fear the worst, but when that doesn’t transpire, we can be pleasantly surprised. Don’t get me wrong, I still would have preferred my secret to have remained such – far simpler all around and less strain on my loved ones.

SamanthaHewit wrote:
GillianSL wrote:...I'm bound to say that your friends seem to have been thoughtless on disclosing starting with the gay son who should have known better...


To be fair to the gay guy though, We were out in town in a big group and decided to go to his pub knowing he might be there. We sought him out and said hello to him.
He was not to know that Emma didnt want everyone to be told, in fact i remember him saying that he 'already knew'. So maybe he is not the 'deepthroat' of 'EmmaGate' (pun intended;)


Sam,

to put the record straight, I had been out in Leicester before that night and called in a pub that I knew he was associated with with the intent of saying hello on the understanding that this was not for general knowledge. I know, naive or not, I knew the guy and thought that that would not have been a problem. However, what did happen was I had arranged to meet Amanda at the pub and when I got there found out that she was going to be about 90 minutes so I took up a high stool at the bar and started chatting to the barman during the course of the conversation I asked if my friend's son was around. In actual fact he was at one of the other pubs/clubs doing something with the lighting for the evening disco etc and was too busy to come over or to the phone, however enough information was passed between him and the barman for him to identify myself and his last comment to the barman was he (me) is my dad's friend - end of story. So you see I did not have a chance to speak direct to him that night and I later found out as per my post above that he had rang his dad and told him. Hence when we visited one of the other pubs a few weeks later and came across him working behind the bar, the damage was already done so to speak and despite my comments to him on leaving not to say anything it appears it was too late by a few weeks.

Interesting enough, when organising the meal and night out for the girls in Nottingham, we had originally opted for going out in Nottingham itself only to have a number of the girls state they were uncomfortable so close to home and hence we switched it to Leicester, and the chance that the bar I had chosen may well indeed have someone there that I knew. Don't get me wrong, ultimately this was my choice.

Following on from that initial foray, the girls from Nottingham have now established a very successful and well supported regular night out each month and I wish them well, my only regret is the fact that I am now not able to join them.

Image

In the bar in Leicester that fateful evening!

Blackpool 1st October 2011

Sitting here in my apartment in the Gulf, I have decided to catch up with some of the adventures I had that last month in October before moving over here.

October 1st last year and I excitedly packed for one last trip up to Blackpool and a night out with my friends before leaving the UK. The weather was unseasonably hot and leaving the house later than I planned (my youngest was hanging around) I made my way to my usual layby to finish getting ready only to find it occupied. There was a bike race down the country road where I usually get changed and so I moved on and finding a suitable place further down the road, and pulled over. Already wearing stretch jeans and top over my underwear I quickly donned my wig and slipped my fillets into the bra and proceeded to put my face on only to have to stop after a number of cars joined me in this layby. Frustratingly, all the rest of the possible stops were occupied ready for the race as I made my way to Kegworth.

Driving onto the A50 I decided to finish my face in the car park at the first services. Parking as far away from the building as possible I recommenced putting my make up on only to have a woman park her car right next to mine and get her dog out to take it for a walk nearby! There were 20+ spaces between me and the next car and she had to park next to me!

Unperturbed I continued with my eyes and noticed that I had now been joined by a gang of old motorcyclists who had parked close by but in the centre of the car park and proceeded to hang around chatting and having a smoke!

Nails on and almost finished, I got out of the car, slipped my heels on and with my bag over my shoulder made my way to the services walking past the bikers and the woman with her dog returning to her car. In the toilets, I finished off my eyes with liner and mascara and checked my overall finish. The toilets at these services are quite small and I couldn’t believe how busy they were!

On exiting I picked up an ice lolly from the fridge and made my way to the counter where I was treated to a courteous welcome from the guy behind the counter and we exchanged pleasantries about the weather before bidding him goodbye.
Once again I made my way past the bikers back to my car and hussy that I was, put a swagger in my step swinging those hips as I walked by.

With the wrapper off the ice lolly I made my way out and onto the road heading West and must admit to licking the lolly quite suggestively as I was driving along with the window down and listening to some AC/DC on the stereo.

As I was approaching Warrington, I noticed that somewhere on the way I had lost one of my nails and for once had not included any spares in my handbag, so decided to stop off at the big Boots at Gemini near Warrington. Walked in and purchased a boxed set of kiss nails and another bottle or Revlon Red nail varnish, paid for them and in the car park replaced my missing nail before making my way back to the M6 and North again.

Coming off the M6 onto the M55 the traffic built up as I realised that Blackpool were at home that day. I then spent almost an hour sitting in crawling traffic people watching until I reached my exit and was able to leave the queues behind.

I finally got to my hotel mid afternoon only to find nowhere to park! I spent 20 minutes until getting tired and needing the toilet, I abandoned the car in a side street, picked my case up and proceeded to walk to the hotel in so doing I walked past a family in their front garden and kids playing in the street. Once at the hotel, my bag deposited in the room I made my way back to the car as I had parked in a zoned area. As I walked past the young woman in her garden I asked her if there was anywhere nearby I could park. She appeared surprised when she heard me speak but recovered quick enough to show me where I could park and as we parted, she commented that I had balls! Ha, ha!

With the car safely parked, I returned to my hotel and quickly changed out of my jeans into a pair of denim shorts and with a pair of flats on my feet, I left the hotel and made my way to the seafront and headed towards The Tower.

Words fail me as to describing the feelings I had that afternoon as I made my way through the busy crowds taking advantage of this late sun, in my shorts, bag over my shoulder and earrings banging against the side of my face. Not an untoward look or comment as I quickly walked to the Tower.

On arrival, I asked about the cost of tickets etc and purchased one which combined a trip to the top with a 4D cinema experience. I joined the many families on the stairs as we climbed to the first stop, a photo opportunity using blue screen technology. I queued up and was asked to sit on the ledge love. After the photo was taken it was a thank you mate! from the photographer – you can’t win can you!Image

I then had to wait in an increasingly crowded ante room before being let in to the cinema during which time I got talking to a young couple with a little hyperactive girl and helped them by taking their photo for them as a family. It was quite oppressive waiting with more and more people crowding in behind us and there was me in a singlet style top and shorts!

The cinema experience was very good and being sprayed with cold water as part of the effects was most welcome. From there it was back to a snaking Disneyland style queue winding its way around until we reached the lifts. As is my usual habit, I got to talking with a family behind me as we were waiting expressing a wish that they should have a bar or sell drinks while we were queuing - they would make a fortune!

Entering the lift I reflected on the fact that the last time I was in the tower was 1970 as a little boy!

At the top, I joined the others and enjoyed the view from the viewing platform and because you have to, took a few obligatory photos standing on the glass floor looking down at the ground some 500ft below.Image Again I helped some of the other visitors by taking their photos and in return had a few taken of me, engaging in conversation and exchanging comments. Certainly no place to be a shrinking violet!Image

With my eye on the clock, sadly it was time to make my way back as Mandy and Tina should have arrived by now and we were due out in 2 hours and I had to get ready.

At the bottom, I decided to pop into Revolution Bar for a quick drink as I was absolutely parched (and hungry to boot) and having purchased a beer, sat down on one of the high stools to enjoy my cold beer. Whilst sitting there I noticed that my thumb nail was coming adrift and so pulling out my nail glue from my bag tried without success to remove the top. In frustration, I walked over to a guy at the bar and asked if he could unscrew it. ImageSmiling he took the bottle and almost gave himself an hernia. His mates saw him struggling and one at a time they failed to budge the top. In the meanwhile I moved over to two girls who were with them and joined them watching the drama unfold. Finally eureka, the lid was removed and I was able to re-secure my nail. I was invited to join them and we had a laugh as I sipped my beer and it transpired that the guys were squaddies who happened to know a friend of mine who had sadly been killed recently in Afghanistan. Before leaving them I had a photo taken with the two gorgeous girls as well as one with the guys. I guess I gave them something to talk about on my departure.Image

With the clock now ticking I stopped off at a chippie on the way back to the hotel and fed myself on steak pudding, chips and mushy peas! Just what you need to party lol! As I was about to pay, two close friends of mine snuck up on me and we shared the walk back to the hotel.

Having met up with my friend and her wife, we walked back to the hotel where I re-joined Tina and Mandy as they were getting ready. My first hiccup was the dress that I intended wearing was a racer back and the strapless bra I had specifically purchased for this was a tad uncomfortable and the dress somewhat shorter than I had thought – end result a total rethink of what to wear.

Luckily (or good planning lol) I had an alternative dress to wear and so resorted to my tried and tested black sequined number with golden lightening emblazoned down the front from Next, keeping to the bra I had been wearing all day.Image

Come 8pm, we joined the other girls downstairs in the basement bar waiting for the last of the stragglers before taking a taxi into town. Image

On arrival, whilst the girls entered Roxy’s, I walked across the road to the cash point to top up my spend. Waiting patiently behind a girl, I quipped on completion of her transaction that I hoped she hadn’t taken all the money. On completion of my transaction, the girl joined me and dragged me over to meet her friends. I was introduced to the bunch of girls out celebrating on a works do. They were fascinated with me and wanted to know all about me inviting me to join them in Walkabout, however, my friends were next door and I needed to get back.Image

Re-joining my friends, we were soon joined by the Blackpool girls and other T – girls upstairs on the balcony overlooking the street opposite The Litton tree.Image It was a great atmosphere catching up with everyone, especially for me knowing this would be the last time for the foreseeable future. Back inside, the bunch of girls I had met earlier joined us and we had several dances with one of the girls trying to play with my tonsils lol! – am happily married – I manage to get out but it didn’t seem to make much difference lol!

From there we moved on to a couple of other places before finishing the night in Mardi Gras night club.Image
Myself and my good friend Mandy

I got to dance with a girl who was from Wigan and as I am from St Helens originally, it was somewhat surreal as both town’s rugby league teams had played each other that day and as I had the game taped and hoped to avoid hearing the score so as to enjoy the game on my return the following day, this girl succeeded in telling me the result!!! She then grabbed me by the hand and dragged me into the ladies and proceeded to do her business in front of me with the door open !!!! – such a high class of girls from Wigan lol!! Image

Anyhow, approaching 4am, we decided to get a taxi back to the hotel and bed.

The following morning, I got dressed, had my breakfast and then recovered my car from where I had parked it Imagebefore changing back to guy mode for my return journey reflecting that it would be over six months before I returned to Blackpool. Another good weekend and one I could draw on in the coming months in the wilderness.