Well It Finally Had to Happen

After a three hour meeting today discussing the finalisation of a number of contracts, I was asked to stay behind and my director advised me that as of two weeks time, I would be made redundant unless we picked up some more civils work.

To say I am gutted would be an understatement and as of yet, I have chosen not to tell my wife. We are and my wife in particular too stressed out as it is.

Luckily, I am currently negotiating with another Company for a regional head position but based in Luton – only 80 miles down the M1 each day!

Time will tell as I revamp my CV and ring back a number of the agencies that have over the last 12 months been pestering me.

We have just come back from a pleasant evening with friends where we watched the Wales France game and had a few bottles of wine and snacks etc. Difficult to keep focused on the conversation given my current news.

Selfish as it seems I need my Emma time more than ever as I address the problem I may now face. The good news is that I have booked in and paid for my hotel on the 11th to allow me to attend the Northern Angels evening meal and have also picked up a new red dress from EBay to fit into the themed night at Manchester Concord. I already have the shoes and a matching handbag.

I am also booked into the Atrium with a friend for the next Come Dancing evening organised by Lisa this time on a Saturday evening in early April. This will probably be the last outing for a while if I become unemployed so I will have to make the most of it.

Anyway, enough of the doom and gloom, it's past midnight and I’m away to bed. Let’s see what next week brings.

Love
Emma xxx

Normal Service is Resumed

Finally, life seems to have settled down both at work and home. Today, I finally managed to concentrate on work for most of the day and be productive. Not knowing exactly what job I will be working on next is undermining my morale. The job I am currently sitting on warrants no more than a day a week of my time.

Having put a few pounds on these last few weeks I have dropped back to the regime that helped me loose the 60lbs in the Autumn – grapefruit for breakfast, 3 low fat yoghurts and a Tesco healthy option meal for lunch and a similar meal for tea followed by 40 minutes in the gym which accounted for just under 1000 calories (50/50 between the cross trainer and the running machine)

My goal is to get back to 15 stone by the end of the week and I guess now is as good a time as any to make that last effort to loose a further 14 lbs by Easter.

I have given up on keeping my arms and chest hair free by shaving and am letting the hair grow sufficient for me to have it waxed sometime in the next fortnight – joy of joys – I can’t wait for the pain!

Over the weekend we had the two girls home from University both with their boyfriends. Dad’s taxi service was very much in use! Friday night to London to pick up one of the girls and her boyfriend and then Sunday night the return trip. Tonight my wife took the eldest back whilst I was in the gym.

It’s amazing that when the girls were home my taxi service was 3 – 4 times a week on average 20 mile round trip. Now it seems to have changed to 2 – 3 times a term for each with a round trip of 200 miles southbound and 140 miles westbound!

I suppose it could have been worse - one at Aberdeen and the other at Plymouth!

Already looking forward to the next Northern Angels meal on the 11th, I am afraid no Emma time before then that I can see.

My mind is somewhat in turmoil at the moment over the issue of telling my wonderful wife about Emma.

Married for 26 years you would believe that you could second guess the outcome of such a confession but the risk is still there and very real.

I take heart from the couples I have met and look enviously at their relationships which have transcended the cross dressing issue. I also am very aware of the many marriages which have foundered on the very same subject.

Ultimately I guess it is something that must happen but whilst the ship is still sailing why take to the lifeboats?

I can think of nothing better than sharing some of the evenings I have out as Emma with my wife and for her to meet up with some of the great friends I have met these last few months but am also cautious as to pushing the issue if and when I tell her. I suspect softly softly will be the order of the day and it is then that I will need the help of my friends especially the wives, to give insight and perhaps guidance to my wife in those first few weeks.

The question also arises as to the modus operandi? I believe that to get my feelings across and be informative and sincere I may have to resort to a letter. I know in such a delivery that I will be able to cover all the issues in an order that doesn’t overwhelm whilst if I try and explain face to face I am not sure I will be as coherent or logical and as such fail to get across the message – I am still who you married, I have not grown an extra head, I don’t want to live as a woman, I don’t want a sex change, my time as Emma will be 1 – 2 times a month, I don’t expect to dress in the house, Emma will not be appearing in the bedroom etc., etc.

Anyhow, that’s still in the future.

Emma

Three Wednesdays on the run – Emma has never had it so good.

As my car was in the garage to have it’s clutch replaced, I was driving a BMW X3 – nice feeling and a nice drive although it had had a “slagging” off in the car press as being “too girly!”

Driving up once more to Manchester I had it in my mind as to what I would be wearing and that I would get a chance to have a run out to M&S over at the Gemini park off the M62 before meeting up with the girls in Manchester.
On the way, I finally managed to get through to the hotel reception to arrange for a room near reception (once more I was travelling with far too much baggage) only to find out that they had no knowledge of my booking!!!

Fortunately, there were vacancies and on arrival was allocated a room just within the entrance allowing me to de camp relatively easily.

Choosing a business suit of blue pencil skirt, blue heels and white blouse, with my grey woollen jacket on top and understated daytime make up, I walked out of the hotel and into my car and managed to get into M&S for 5pm. I spent a pleasant hour wandering around the clothes and underwear and ended up purchasing a new silk blouse in a metallic yellow / brass finish and a new blue suit jacket. I even tried on two skirts whilst there but chose to stick with the jacket and blouse purchase.

Realising the time, I shot back to my hotel through reception which somehow was filled by a couple of families booking in. I was certainly given the once over by two of the teenage girls but managed to keep calm and smiled back at them as I slipped through and to my room.

I quickly got changed and then got changed again and finally a third time before I was happy with my look! So much for having decided what I would be wearing before I went out! Eye make up and lipstick changed for the evening and shoes and handbag including contents changed twice! now running late I finally left the hotel for Manchester.

Driving into Manchester I arrived at my usual parking street to find once again no available places so I carried out a second circuit of the village and still no spaces, I was left with leaving the car in Charles Street.

As I was walking up Sackville Street to Tribeca’s I came up behind, Kate, Mrs. Kate and Mandy and we joined up with Tina and Justine and the other girls in Tribeca’s.
There were 11 of us for the meal at Velvet – once more taking advantage of the discount vouchers for February but we noticed that the excellent combi starter we had last week was no longer on the menu!

Nevertheless, the food was really nice, my choice this week being the lamb cutlets on a bed of mint flavoured risotto rice which despite the corset I was able to finish.

One of the downsides of my choosing a slightly longer wig this week was the need to keep my hair out of my mouth and from sticking to my lipstick at frequent intervals!

After Velvet we all made our way to Rembrandts and met up with some of the other Manchester Concord girls at the weekly meet upstairs.

From there, we made our normal pilgrimage to Napoleon’s and settled in for the rest of the night.

First on the dance floor was Kate and Mrs. Kate and I got warm just watching – yet again the radiators were on. Generally, I thought it was a lot quieter than last week though.

After a couple of mineral waters, I was up for a dance and joined Kate on the dance floor. Determined as I was, and despite my shoes pinching, we danced for a while (beats the cross trainer in the gym for exercise!) but was quite grateful when Kate eventually suggested we stop for a drink!

Finishing off downstairs we had a nice chat until at 2ish we decided to call it a day or should that be a morning!

Walking back to Charles Street, my shoes were letting my feet know that they were there! At the pay machine, Kate paid for their car and when Mandy tried to pay the machine came up with an error and kept her money! I then walked down to the other machine at the front of the car park and secured my release ticket whilst the others were waiting for the support staff to turn up.

On exiting the car park I was stopped by security who wanted to know if I was ok!! – well yes so long as they moved their van out of the bloody way! – I suppose driving a BMW X3 out of a car park at 2-30 in the morning dressed as I was may have seemed suspicious! But! I suspect that if I had really needed help they would have been nowhere near!

Weaving my way out of Manchester, I drove back to my hotel and parking up, regained my room at 3am after having to walk past a group of lads outside the MacDonalds opposite the Travelodge on my way from the car.

Up at 5-30am and on the road for 6am with great memories to sustain me – that and a four pack of red bull!! until next time.

Every cloud has a silver lining

Well, what to say, an unexpected opportunity to be Emma again. Having got into work (site cabin in Wellingborough) for 9am, I had a rake of work to complete for my Director who was disappearing on a skiing trip to Canada on the next day.

Needless to say, the work took longer than was expected and as my Agent had left mid morning for a meeting in Kent and the men at 4pm I was left on my own working my way through the various reports etc. At 4-30pm my wife rang to tell me it was snowing at Loughborough and to be careful on my way home.

By 8pm, I was getting near the end when I got up to make a cup of tea and opened the cabin door to see snow everywhere!

Luckily I had left my car on the top of the ramp and on the main road or I would never have been able to drive my rear wheel drive car up the access ramp covered with snow!

Another 2 hours of work including telephone conversations with my Director left me deciding on whether to attempt the 55 mile drive home or to stay the night locally. Bearing in mind I still had all of Emma’s things in the car from the previous night, I thought that as the company would be picking up the bill, another evening as Emma, brief as it would be, couldn’t be missed.

I rang up my normal Travelodge at Towcester and was rewarded with speaking to the receptionist I was on first names with – she has always been most accommodating with my requests for a ground floor room near the entrance in the annex and I always ensure she and her daughters receive a Christmas present in return. Suffice to say she was able to fit me in and so I made my way over to Towcester.

With so little time left I decided that I would get dressed and just practise a few different make up styles in particular my eyes. In addition, I would prep another set of nails and varnish them.

Fully dressed and made up by midnight I was so tempted to go out but in reality there was no reason for me to be out and about at that time so I decided to have an early night and shoot out first thing in the morning before leaving for work.

The alarm woke me up at 5-15 and getting dressed as though for work I then had a coffee and used some of the time to sort out my clothes, skirts, tops, dresses, coats and underwear with a view as to working out what to wear to Manchester next Wednesday.

Anyway at 6-45 I left the hotel wearing my business suit and heels and over the top my full length overcoat and drove up to my local 24hr Tesco’s where I drew some money out from the cash machine along with half of the population of Northampton it seemed! The classic situation happened – no one anywhere near the cash point until you walk up to it and suddenly the other 3 machines are occupied and there is a polite queue of men and women behind you.

Walking into the bright lights and warmth of the store I confidently made my way around the aisles picking up and looking at the clothes and then over to the make up aisle where I tried on the various different lipstick testers on the back of my hand and had a good look at the various foundations on offer, before choosing a new Max Factor mascara, Revlon lipstick in a bright red! And an eyebrow pencil in blonde. Picking up some eye make up remover and an underarm roll on deodorant I made my way to the check out and joined the queue. I still am not that confident in using the self service checkout. Paying for the cosmetics completed with the usual small talk with the cashier, I made my way out into the daylight and across the car park to my car.

On the way back to my hotel I decided to stop at the services for a coffee and wee stop. At that time of the morning, the services were full of businessmen and women on their way to work and so dressed as I was, I fitted in fairly well. Sitting in Costa sipping a black coffee watching the world go by, it all seemed so natural and once again didn’t want the experience to end.

Popping in to the ladies for a quick pee, on my way out, I joined a number of women in the toilets where having completed my business, I washed my hands etc and joined another woman at the mirrors re applying my lipstick and brushing out my hair.

On leaving the toilets, I repaired to my car and then back to the hotel and room and proceeded to return to Bob.

Luckily my car was due for a service and so I was able to accommodate being an hour or two late into the office that and the fact that I put in 14 hour day the previous day.

With Emma’s clothes etc all tidy and sorted and back in my lock up, I made my way down to the BMW garage and my lift back to work.

That morning proved to be an expensive day (yes I know it was FRIDAY THE 13^th!) as firstly, I had to have the lock of our front door replaced estimated cost £430! and then later in the day the good news that my car needed a new clutch and flywheel at a cost of £1,000+

As the car is a company car that was at least one bill I wouldn’t have to pay.

Emma xxx

Vouchers In Velvet

After two days of misery in driving to work and loads more snow, 3 hours Monday morning 2 hours Tuesday morning I finally got to the highlight of the week.

Another Wednesday evening in the village and Emma is out again. At the moment she is having a more active social life than Bob!

Driving up to my usual hotel, I was pleasantly distracted from the monotony of the 140 mile drive by working through my wardrobe in my head, trying to decide what to wear.

Last week, Kate’s purple leggings had certainly made a statement and then it came to me! I had recently purchased a lovely sparkly purple stretchy vest style top. Pairing it with another new acquisition – a short (for me) black pencil skirt and my heels from Faith I had decided on what I would be wearing that night with an hour or two to spare!

Arriving at my usual hotel, this time my room was near reception rather than the furthest room away from the entrance as it had been the previous week. A good job as well as I had brought an extra two cases with me this time due to not having decided what I would be wearing before I left.

Having arrived mid afternoon and with a few hours spare what can a girl do but go shopping! Well 90 minutes later and I was wearing my favourite combination – a business suit of pencil skirt and jacket in black and white blouse finished off with heels and a black handbag and to keep warm my full length woollen coat again in black.

Walking back through reception I smiled at the receptionist who was busy booking in another guest and a gentleman held open the door for me as I braved the cold outside.

Carefully sliding into the car elegantly I spoilt it all by promptly trapping my coat in the door!

I made my way up to the big M&S store off the M62 near Warrington and spent a pleasant hour looking at the clothes and underwear. Having very little money worked effectively in preventing me buying a suit jacket in blue £45 which would go perfectly with a skirt and shoes I have. It will have to wait until payday!

Arriving back at the hotel I had to park a little away from the entrance and had to walk across what was quite a busy car park (adjacent to and used for the Lymm Services). The reception area was busy too with a number of guests booking in. Bold as brass I breezed in (when you think it was only less than a year ago that I would only go out late at night and cross the road to avoid passing anyone I came across)

Back in the room and stripped down to underwear I changed my eye make up for more of an evening look and squeezed into my new skirt. 2” above my knee – that should be interesting! With my new top on I realised that to prevent the straps migrating through the evening and exposing my bra straps that I would have to use some double sided tape. Now without wearing nails it was difficult to get the backing off the tape but with my nails already in place it proved nigh on impossible! Nevertheless I persevered and finally was happy that the shoulder straps of my top were going nowhere!

In addition to my new top and skirt, I was also wearing a new shade of pink lipstick from Chanel. I must admit I just love the texture and shades from the Chanel range. Admittedly they tend to be quite expensive compared to other brands but I feel they are worth it for staying power and the way your lips feel and look when wearing a Chanel lipstick.

Driving into Manchester just after 6pm, looking down I realised that my short skirt was nowhere to be seen and that I would have to be especially careful when getting out of the car in Manchester.

Arriving at my normal parking place in Minshull Street I came across a problem – nowhere to park! I assume it was because I was earlier than normal so I carried on around the block – or so I thought until I seem to have ended up on Mancunian way again going in the wrong direction. I blame my sat nav as it tried to get me to turn right twice at junctions that stated no right turns!!

Anyhow, on my second circuit of Manchester I found a parking spot and bearing in mind the state of my skirt, carefully extricated myself in a ladylike manner and straightening everything out on the pavement locked the car and made my way up to Canal Street and onwards to Trebica where we were meeting for pre dinner drinks.

I was the first to arrive and so having ordered a white wine spritzer elected to perch myself on one of the tall stools close to the bar where I could watch for the girls arriving.

Trying to juggle an overcoat, handbag, a drink and a short skirt proved to be an interesting task and one I had just managed to accomplish when Kate and Mrs Kate arrived.

Shortly afterwards, June followed by Lisa and her sister joined us and Astrid and her partner (sorry I didn’t catch her name) made up the eight ladies dining.

The meal at Velvet was very good, made even better by the fact that Lisa had vouchers which reduced the cost for our group by £70. The combi starter was very tasty albeit a little messy to eat and I chose calves liver and bacon on mashed potato which I was unable to finish due to the corset I was wearing!

After the meal we repaired to the Northern Concord upstairs at the Rembrandt where I became member 201. Sadly, Kate was not feeling too well and decided to leave with Mrs Kate for an early night.

Myself and June decided to continue onto Napoleon’s as Lisa and her sister departed.

Having put my coat behind the bar, I returned to find that June had met the only other Irish girl in town also from Dublin I think! And I was left trying to work out just what it was they were talking about having dropped the use of at least 8 letters of the alphabet whilst speaking in “Irish”

In the absence of Kate and Mrs Kate’s enthusiasm to get up and dance we made do with sitting downstairs chatting and getting to know more about each other. Having put the world to right and avoided the advances of a number of gentlemen, we finally called it a night and June was kind enough to accompany me to my car.

On leaving Napoleons, I got talking to one of the bouncers who informed us that next Wednesday there would be some costume jewellery for sale and he showed me a selection of larger rings and some bracelets which looked pretty fine.

Back at the hotel at 2am – time to lose Emma and back to Bob for a 5-30 am start. Oh joy of joys, almost 2 hours of sleep after removing my make up and packing.

Never mind, next Wednesday will be here soon enough.

Emma xxx

Toe in the water

Well, having seen and avidly read a number of blogs by my girlfriends I have taken the plunge to start my own.

Over the next few months I will endeavour to learn how to drive the software and make my blog more interesting. Please feel free to join me in my exploration of this (for me) new way of communicating.

After a week of bad weather disrupting my travel to work, (shame I hear you say!) I find that we have no game tomorrow so will have to watch the England game with the rest of my team down at the club and perhaps partake in the odd drink or two.

Luckily, my trip North to Manchester on Wednesday turned out ok and I enjoyed a great evening with Lisa, Kate, Mrs Kate, Karen and Becky in the village starting in Trebica for a pre meal drink, a meal at Edens which was very nice, a few drinks at The Rembrandt with the Northern Concord girls and finished the evening off at Napoleon's. I even got to dance this time and remembered, although I am still not sure why the radiator that I was dancing next to was on and blasting out heat!

Having to drive prevented me from having any alcohol which the girls probably were thankful for having had to carry me back from Naps to my hotel at the end of the night of the Northern Angel's Christmas meal, no mean feat considering I am not the lightest on my heels, after drinking slightly more wine than I should have.

I owe a great debt of gratitude to my good friends for rescuing me that evening and hope over time I can make it up to each and every one of them.

One of my over riding memories of the night was the manouevering within the confines of the ladies downstairs with a girl who was considerably wider than I (and I am not that svelte!) to enter one of the cubicles whilst avoiding another CD and another GG touching up their make up at the sink. All this in a room smaller than your standard ensuite. Something about swinging a cat comes to mind.

On leaving Kate, Mrs Kate and Karen I made my way back to my car. Walking on my own at 2am in the morning, I realised just how vunerable it feels wearing a dress, carrying a handbag and the metal tips on my heels advertising my presence to all and sundry within earshot.

Luckily this night I remembered where I had parked my car and was safely in with the doors locked within 10 minutes of leaving Napoleon's.

Don't take this the wrong way, whilst feeeling vunerable, I didn't feel threatened. In fact I have felt more threatened in other Cities as "Bob" than in the village.

This last week I have won at auction (E-Bay) three skirts and another pair of shoes. Despite my messages to the sellers that I wanted them delivered to my friend Alina's address, they somehow managed to end up at my home and under the watchful eye of my wife who is not aware of Emma (I think!)

Luckily the packages were non descript and the contents have now been secreted away until I can drop them off at my lock up with the rest of Emma's things.

I will finish now and look forward to meeting up with my girlfriends again in the village next Wednesday and June, our dance intructer from Ireland who is over visiting.

Emma