Thursday, 9 April 2009

The Deed Is Done!

Last night or more accurately in the early hours of this morning, I finally told my wife about Emma.

She currently feels as though she has been hit by a 20t truck – her words.

It was obvious that had I continued, my wife had already jumped to the conclusion that I was having an affair and was distraught. We finally got to sleep at 5-30am and was up again at 6-30am for work.

I don’t really know what I feel at the moment.

I do know that we will develop the scenario a small step at a time with my commitment that at any time my wife is uncomfortable, I will stop and we will re group.

After 2 bottles of wine, a 4 hour discussion and 1 hour of sleep I am tired and sad. I thought that I would be happier but at the moment this eludes me.

As we all know, there is no turning back but I do believe that not only was coming clean with my wife the only correct action, I think that given time, space and a better understanding of who Emma is, our marriage will survive and perhaps in time, my time as Emma may be embraced as a real part of our relationship.

Softly, softly is the key for the moment and the establishment of a set of rules, one of which is the absence of Emma in the bedroom. The children are not to know being another. I have already stated that my dressing will only occur outside our locale and that from now on, no more lies!

Thank you all who have given me sage advice and encouragement, without this and my good friends, I would not be in this position now.

In time I hope that my wife will meet you all.


Emma xxx


  1. Emma,

    you'll both be in shock for a while... But you have done the right thing, no matter what.

    You've not only been true to your wife, but you've been true to yourself as well.

    And it took REAL courage.


  2. Emma
    Chrissie is right you will both be in shock for a while. You've both been through a traumatic experience. Give her the space and time she needs.
    You will probably find she will swing from one pole to another in her view of you and it will be hard at times. If you can cope and treat this in a sensitive way the reward for both of you can be immense.
    With my late wife it was an ongoing process where our relationship deepened.So much so she sensed that I wanted to get out and suggested that we should. Unfortunately it never happened, due to me not having the courage, something I'll always regret.
    You have bared your soul and been honest as a result hopefully your love for each other will deepen even more as I found with my wife to a place I didn't think possible or knew existed.
    You have done something by telling her that as Chrissie says took REAL courage.
    I wish you both all the best.
    Karen x

  3. Hi Emma Well done - you have done the right thing - the longer you put it off the harder it gets.. At least you have no more secrets or lies between you. I hope your wife comes to terms with things - you know how to contact me if you need me. Love from Mrs K xx

  4. Congratulations Emma. What you have done takes great courage and shows great compassion. I sincerely hope as we all do that things work out for you both

  5. hi emma,
    tread carefully with this,be prepared her attitude about you could change as it sinks in.try to look at it fron her point of view when things get strained.
    when i told my ex-wife she wouldnt speak to me for about a month about anything to do with jane,she came round of her biggest fears with me was she asked if i was going to transition which at the time i said not,but i knew then i was putting off something that was going to happen.we did split in the end but if i was just a CD/TV she could cope with that,as it was i knew from the start of telling her that i had to be jane all the time.
    i wish you both well

  6. What you did was very brave. I hope it works out for both of you.

    For the record, I told my dear wife just over ten years ago and while it takes time, the ability to be honest with your partner can't be underrated.